I don't know if I'm ready for you. If you are still here, I will love you until the day I die...if my stress hasn't killed you yet. Your daddy doesn't want you; your daddy hates you in fact, but I will counter that with everything that is in me.

I don't know how long I will live, but I will love you always,
Mommy

Love is something that in my mind is not acceptable to my parents. I always wanted to please my parents, but now that I'm (mostly) on my own, I can see myself being in a relationship and marrying someone.

Who? I have no idea.

I slip on my favorite pair of jeans, some comfortable walking shoes, and head out the door for the second date. If sex was to occur early in the relationship, it would have on the first date in my skirt. Since it did not, I am comfortable to wear jeans and tennies now as acceptable clothing.

I wait for my phone to ring...but I know this relationship will go nowhere. Now.

So we sit on the bed, and he kisses me. Long, hard. Hands. Everywhere. Then we're under the blanket... and I go very cold inside. It's not going to be awkward tomorrow, but idk if I can survive not hating myself this time.

But somehow, it's all okay.